A brother once sat me down and said, “Zain… people are just afraid of you. You’re very senior, and they’re worried about how you might perceive them.”
At first, I brushed it off. I thought I was fair. I thought I treated everyone equally.
But the truth was, I wasn’t seeing what they were feeling.
Not everyone could handle how I was. They were all at different stages. Different levels of confidence. Different stories.
Later, I found out the team even had aa WhatsApp group. It wasn’t for gossip. It was for safety. They’d go there to talk about how to navigate my feedback.
I didn’t know it at the time. But when I found out, I did my best not to get defensive (or at least I hope I didn’t). I just thought, Okay. It is what it is.
So I decided to face it head on.
During the next on-site (where you meet with your managers in person at a far away place from home).
I held what I can an accountability circle. There are no slides. No structure. Just space.
I told every manager on the team that for each person they would need to answer two questions:
Question 1: One thing the person does that is really hurting the team.
Question 2: One thing the person does that is a huge value to the team.
We made sure question 2 went after 1 so it softens the wound from round 1.
We went round, one by one. I volunteered to go first so they would not feel targeted.
I listened. And I wrote everything down - word for word.
Of course it was uncomfortable. But comfort doesn’t grow you. I was well past learning that.
A year later, I brought those same notes back and asked the team,
“How many of you worked on the things you said last year?”
/
Sadly most hadn’t (maybe I didn’t push them enough). But I had.
Because that exercise became my virtual mirror. Every feedback there was from people who worked with me day in day out. So I turned every piece of feedback into a small manifesto of how I wanted to lead differently.
That experience taught me something I’ll never forget: Always treat different people differently.
You see some people need space. Some need clarity. Some need constant encouragement. Whilst others just need accountability. And if you don’t take time to understand which one they need, your good intentions can still do harm.
Here’s how to make this practical in your own life.
If you lead a team - or even a family - try this:
Hold your own 15-minute honesty circle.
Ask one question: “What’s one thing I do that makes things harder for you?” Then stay silent. Just listen. Write notes.Write down their exact words.
Don’t filter. Don’t justify. Capture them as they are.Turn feedback into one small habit.
If someone says you interrupt, your new rule becomes:
I’ll wait two seconds before speaking in meetings.
Small, specific, and trackable.Track progress over time.
Once a week, reflect for five minutes: Did I practise this?
When I did this consistently, within three months 8 out of 12 people in my team said I’d become easier to approach (or at least they told another person I had).
🧠 One final build better thought...
It’s not just my experience. I did a bit of research, turns out Gallup (leader in workplace research) found that teams who feel their manager listens to feedback are nearly 9 times more engaged, and leaders who act on that feedback build over 50% more trust in less than a year.
I guess it works because people don’t expect you to be perfect - but they do expect to see you listening.
If you work on it - like really work on it - it’ll change more than your leadership.
It’ll change your heart.
See you next Friday.
Until next then, whether you’re trying to improve yourself or your organisation, keep building better.
Zain
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I share real stories, frameworks, and lessons to help charities and startups grow smarter (and a little more human).